Sexual Integrity
When the church tries to talk
about sexuality, we often quickly bog down to
questions of sexual identity, sexual preference,
and sexual orientation. Most people have strong
opinions about appropriate sexual behaviors for
men, for women, and for relationships among women
and among men, and between men and women. The
church as a body has a strong need to set
guidelines for ethical sexual behavior – to help
people determine what is right and wrong. The
church’s conversations about sexuality are
complicated because questions about sexual
identity, sexual preference and sexual orientation
are shrouded in mystery. Are these choices we all
make, choices a few of us make, things over which
we have no control, the results of nature or
nurture, or the results of biology or destiny?
The frank and scientific fact of the matter is that
no one knows. No one knows how women get to be
women and men get to be men. Definitions of
masculinity and femininity vary greatly from one
culture to the next and from one individual to the
next. No one knows why one man is attracted to one
woman and not another or why one woman is attracted
to one woman and not another. Such questions raise
strong feelings and opinions, but definitive
answers about issues of gender, sexual orientation
and attraction remain illusive.
We need ways to think about sexual relationships –
how they are and how they should be. How then,
might we reorient the discussion so we can talk
about things we do know about and evaluate the
quality of our sexual relationships? Perhaps such
an alternative could be found in considering
"sexual integrity" – in how well we love. Sexual
integrity allows for a discussion about
relationships that sidesteps the as yet
unanswerable questions about why people love as
they do.
The 1983 Church of the Brethren study document,
"Human Sexuality from a Christian Perspective"
names two key elements of sexual integrity – love
and covenant.
Section III A
describes two
dimensions of love – Eros and Agape. "This blending
of physical pleasure and spiritual intimacy is Eros
at it’s best." "Agape is unrestrained compassion
for another. It is a generous responsiveness to
another’s needs beyond any gain for oneself. It is
the love of 1 Corinthians 13…"
Section III B
explains, "...the
claim of love is to be tested by actual commitment
that gives content to the declaration of love. Such
commitment disciplines, protects, and nurtures love
relationships. Christians need covenant as well as
love to guide them…"
- Can you imagine the world if all human relationships – even non-sexual ones – were guided by the integrity of Agape Love and Covenant? With this kind of foundation, we would come to the table assuming that even our most dreaded opponents are trying to live with integrity. Our discussions of sexuality would be quite different.
- What are the "benefits," that is, what do we gain by characterizing those who believe differently from us as immoral or spiritually deficient?
- What difficulties and obstacles would you experience in trying to assume that you most dreaded opponents are "doing the best they can and living the most moral lives possible?